How much time do you spend worrying about your health in the back of your mind?
It’s always on your mind right?
I was ALWAYS thinking about my health.
How do I fix this? What do I do next? What’s the plan? Where is that symptom coming from? I need to research that thing. What about that supplement? I feel so sick. Everything hurts. How the hell do I get better? Why is nothing working?
That dialog was always happening in my head, on repeat.
It was literally like a broken record.
It was always on my mind.
I was either worrying about my health and what I should do next.
Or falling down a well of depression if my health was bad.
Or stressing about money and trying to figure out a way to afford that next supplement or practicioner.
Or I was researching and desperately trying to find something, anything to help – that next supplement or practice that would change everything and fix me – to inject myself with a little bit of hope.
And then I’d start the process all over again of WORRY and STRESS.
It’s hard to NOT get sucked into this, because I felt sick ALL THE TIME.
Every minute of the day, I was dealing with being sick. And I just desperately wanted to be better. So how do you think about anything else?
When I started really getting better, it was strange because I didn’t really know what to focus on. What the hell do I do with all this free mental space?
I’d been focusing on getting better for 5 years – it was my #1 priority, it was always in the back of my mind.
So when my health was getting better, I was a little lost.
What do you replace all of that time and energy spent on worrying about you’re health with?
Oh yeah, that’s right – LIVING LIFE!
I’d forgotten how to just LIVE.
I had to re-learn how to be back in the real world, living life. Doing things not just for my health, not always making plans around my health.
Everything that I wanted to do or was invited to do before had to be filtered through my mind in terms of – will I be well enough to do that?
When you’re no longer sick, you can replace that energy and time on LIVING YOUR LIFE AGAIN.
It’s crazy because life feels so OPEN to me now.
I can do whatever I want. It’s exciting, but kind of scary after life being in such a tight box for the last few years.
When you’re sick, you get so used to bending your whole life around being sick.
Slowly, you start making all these rules up in your head to fit in with what you’re body can and can’t do. You learn to work around all the little inconviniences of illness.
But the constant WORRY takes over your life.
You’re worried you’re never going to get better.
You’re worried you’re never going to be normal.
You’re worried that you’re getting worse.
You’re worried you’re not figuring it out.
You’re worried so much time is passing.
You’re worried if the food you’re eating is helping or harming you.
You’re worried about doing coffee enemas.
You’re worried about not doing coffee enemas.
But the biggest one is the fear: what if things stay like this forever?
This was like my default worry.
Because it meant I’d never get my life BACK.
I’d stay stuck in this purgatory of being sick forever.
That was the hardest worry to face.
Because I knew, if I didn’t figure out a way to get better, I’d never have the life I wanted. A REAL life.
I didn’t feel like a REAL or NORMAL person, and the idea of staying like that forever TERRIFIED me.
You can’t have a big, beautiful, full, exciting, expansive life when you’re stuck on the couch feeling sick everyday.
You’re mind wants it SO bad, but you’re body just won’t cooperate.
All my dreams of what I wanted my life to be, I knew I’d never get them unless I healed.
I just couldn’t. My mind couldn’t think properly, my body was swollen with inflammation and water retention, my body ached and hurt all over, my stomach was in pain every single night, I had headaches daily. I was in pain. All the time.
You can’t be in constant pain and BE the person you want to be, LIVING the life you want to live.
But all that WORRY doesn’t help you heal.
WORRY won’t get you where you want to go.
Because WORRY can’t heal you.
When you constantly think about your health in a negative way and are playing the sick record:
“I’m sick, I have such-and-such illness, I’m in pain, this sucks, how am I ever going to get better, how am I going find my way out of this, it’s impossible, nothing works, I’ve tried everything already, there’s no hope, I’ll be stuck like this forever.”
THAT IS WHAT YOU’RE ASKING FOR.
That is what you’re TRAINING your subconscious brain to BELIEVE as the TRUTH.
When you’re brain believes it, it will send out the chemicals to the rest of your body of STRESS. Which will perpetuate the illness cycle.
How much of you’re time and energy do you WASTE worrying?
WORRY is a USELESS emotion. STRESS is a USELESS emotion.
It literally serves NO purpose – except to make you’re health worse.
Think about it – has worrying ever SOLVED anything for you?
Has stress ever SOLVED anything for you?
In the worried/stress state – you’re in fight or flight and you CAN’T think of CREATIVE solutions.
You can’t be filled with HOPE that you can heal.
You can’t think reasonably and figure out the puzzle when you’re stressed out.
You’re in survival. You’re brain in only thinking about surviving in that moment.
You know that saying – WORRY IS A FORM OF PRAYER.
What you ask for, you’ll get. What you believe in your subconscious, you’ll create in your life.
Instead of worrying – pray.
Ask for solutions.
Ask for answers.
Ask for directions.
Ask “what should I do next to heal” – and then wait for an answer.
I am not religious at all, so the word pray makes me nervous. But I do believe in some kind of universal power bigger than me. I do believe in angels and guides and energies beyond us. So that’s what I pray to.
There are scientific studies showing that prayer actually WORKS. Doesn’t mean religion is right, but something out there is listening.
When I ASK for what to do next – the answer always comes. It might take a few days, a few weeks. But always, something comes. I come across something, I meet someone, or I just get hit with this KNOWING of what I need to do.
Instead of worrying – BELIEVE.
I believe there is ALWAYS a way.
I believe there are ALWAYS answers.
BELIVE that you being healthy and feeling amazing in your body is INEVITABLE.
It’s going to happen.
KNOW like you KNOW like you KNOW, that you are going to heal.
That was my mantra when things got tough. “I know like I know like I know that I CAN heal.”
No matter how bad things seem – you CAN heal.
It might not be easy. It might take a while. But you CAN heal.
If you have the DESIRE, the DRIVE, the HUNGER to HEAL – you WILL get there.
But you have to BELIEVE with all you’re heart that you can.
Otherwise, you won’t take the ACTION and be consistent enough to see any results.
If you don’t believe you can get better, you’ll sit around feeling sorry for myself.
I did this on and off all the time. There was one time, I read an article about how celiacs die so much younger than other people and usually get cancer.
And then I believed that was my destiny. I was going to get cancer. It was hopeless. It was pointless to try not to.
I felt so disempowered, I felt so powerless, I felt so hopeless.
But that wasn’t the TRUTH. I don’t have to get cancer. But if I believe I will then I WILL get cancer!
Instead of worrying – DO SOMETHING.
Research. Learn more. Understand more.
When I dive into learning more – I always see a world of new solutions and options open up to me.
I always find hope.
When I have the rock solid BELIEF that I will get better, when I am researching and learning with that HUNGER in my belly for the life I want, I am going to take MASSIVE ACTION.
The kind of action most other people aren’t willing to take.
I was willing to do ANYTHING to get better.
I started doing coffee enemas.
I started juicing.
I was willing to remove ANYTHING from my diet and eat WHATEVER food would help me heal.
I was willing to go to therapy.
I was willing to explore all the painful and dark spaces of my mind.
I was willing to start the Gerson therapy (which is a NOT easy therapy to follow.)
I was willing to make 9 fresh juices a day, on the hour ever hour.
I was willing to do coffee enemas 3 x a day.
I was willing to eat boring food – salad and a potato – at every meal.
I was willing to stick to a full-time healing schedule everyday and basically put my life on pause.
I was willing to make my health my #1 priority.
Because I KNEW I was going to get better, but I also knew it wasn’t just going to fall in my lap, I had to WORK for it.
I had to give my body what it needed to heal. But I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t have the DESIRE + the BELIEF to back it up.
If you don’t have that – you’ll make excuses, you’ll forget, you won’t have the “willpower”, you’ll be too busy, it won’t be the right time.
I’m not saying you should do those things, because some of that didn’t work for me (eg. the food wasn’t right for me). But I was WILLING.
Instead of worrying – LET GO.
And after saying ALL of that – I still know that you need unwavering patience in order to heal. You can’t control HOW LONG it takes or HOW you get there.
I know you also need to allow for the right TIMING in your life.
I think life is about take the action you are able to take, that your heart tells you to take. Doing ALL that you can in that moment. (That’s the FREE WILL part)
But then letting go. Surrendering. Knowing that there’s something bigger moving all of this forward. There’s something bigger working out the right timing in your life.
You don’t know WHY this is happening, and you might not for a long time. Like Steve Jobs says, we can only connect the dots looking BACKWARDS.
You don’t know where this is all leading. Why this is all happening. And you don’t need to know.
You just need to know the next few steps ahead of you and focus on those. And TRUST that you’ll get where you need to go.
As much as I BELIEVED that I could and I WOULD heal – I also surrendered completely the outcome, because I couldn’t control it.
I did my part – I showed up, did the work, every day to heal. And then I let the Universe take over.
I also believed that no matter what happened – I WOULD BE OKAY. Even if I stayed sick forever, I would be okay.
YOU WILL BE OKAY, TOO.
Love Shae x