We have unlimited methods of avoiding. We’re very resourceful that way.
We are busy. There’s kids. There’s dogs. There’s job. There’s chores. There’s the garden. There’s partners. There’s parents. Friends. Books to read. Errands to run. We don’t feel well. We’re sick. There’s making healthy food.
It feels like we have SO much we have to do.
And then when we’re not doing those obligations, we’re “relaxing” – watching TV, we’re listening to music, we’re reading, we’re doing something.
But here’s the big secret: being busy, all this stuff we just HAVE to do, all this noise we surround ourselves with, is an avoidance strategy.
We’re running away from our feelings.
If we actually STOP. Actually give ourself SPACE. Actually take a second to SIT STILL. We’d have to face that thing.
That traumatic thing that happened. That change you need to make. That truth that you’re intuition has been trying to tell you.
That thing that you’re ignoring. That your running away from. That’s eating you up inside.
And if would just STOP and give yourself the time and space to FEEL it, to PROCESS it – you would be able to make more progress in your health and happiness than you ever had before.
But subconsciously, we’re scared. We’re terrified of our own emotions. We’re terrified of the truth.
So subconsciously, we suppress.
What are we really scared of? Honesty.
Truth changes things. And it hurts.
Acknowledging that that thing that happened really did tear you apart, punch you to the core, and has been eating away at you ever since. The truth of the pain would hurt too much.
Acknowledging the truth about how you REALLY feel, and that you need to make a change. A change that would hurt or affect other people.
So we RUN. Almost in a literal sense – we’re in such a wired state, we just go-go-go with busyness, to-do’s and obligations up to our eyeballs.
We RUN. We take on so much so we’ll never have a second to think.
And then when we do that for too long, we fall in a heap. Exhausted to the bone. The fatigue catches up with us. Then we’re too tired to deal with that stuff.
And we numb ourselves with alcohol. With TV. With books. With depression or other negative emotions – they numb us to the truth too. Even with stuff that is healthy – focusing on food or exercise. With distraction after distraction.
So, what’s your method of numbing and avoiding?
We all have them. Mine is watching telly or reading, or diving into work and all my to-do’s. When I’m avoiding, it’s when I’m “busiest”.
We spend our lives RUNNING. Avoiding the dark.
Meanwhile, ironically, we’re constantly searching for the answers OUT THERE. The latest book, blog, guru, specialist, therapy, technique, supplement, diet. And we even pull out the tarot cards and look for signs when we get desperate.
What I’ve discovered though, is that if you just STOP and take a minute to go DEEP, you find all the answers you’re looking for.
It’s sounds cliche, but the answers aren’t out there, they’re in YOU. I didn’t get what that meant until I started checking in and stopped avoiding.
Our whole life is an AVOIDANCE STRATEGY.
That old saying: THE TRUTH HURTS.
And we don’t like pain. Pain is scary. Even on a primal level, our brain does everything it possibly can to avoid pain.
What is fear? Fear is the survival mechanism of avoiding anything that causes pain.
But here’s the other big secret: once you get past the initial pain of feeling – you’re free.
It only hurts for a minute, then it’s gone. And who are you kidding anyway – it’s still hurting you, it’s just doing it subconsciously.
That thing you’re been holding onto, suppressing, hiding from, running from, avoiding, skirting around. Once you speak it and process it, you can let it go.
In order to become lighter, we have to go INTO the darkness.
We’ve tried shoving it down with affirmations. With positivity. Putting a smile on.
But avoiding the dark and pretending it’s not there doesn’t get rid of it. It just hurts more.
If there’s one thing that’s almost worse than trauma itself and being incongruent (not being HONEST), it’s shoving it down.
We do the EXACT same thing with symptoms. We avoid avoid avoid feeling the pain of the symptoms, actually looking at it and focusing on it for a minute. We’re distracting ourselves from the pain.
But as soon as I look at the symptom for a second and ask “Why are you here? What are you trying to tell me?” I can figure it out in 2 seconds and it goes away. Seriously.
Suppression makes you sick. Honesty heals.
But when you shine a light on the dark, you heal it.
Most people tell you to move towards the light – think positive, be love, affirmation the bad out of you.
I’m telling you to GO INTO THE DARKNESS. Give it the light of words. Be HONEST about it. PROCESS IT. And THEN, and only then, can you let it go and be lighter.
CHECK IN before you let yourself CHECK OUT.
What I mean is, before you switch on the TV, before you dive into work, before you put a podcast/audiobook/music on, before you start reading that book, before you do anything for anyone else.
Sit with yourself.
How am I feeling?
What’s feeling off?
Where am I out of balance?
What emotions/stress/anxiety/fear am I feeling?
Where is it coming from?
Why is it there?
This isn’t a one time deal – this is a life long practice.
I used to only do this in the morning. My little morning journalling session. Then I started doing it at night as well. And now I find myself doing it before I check out with ANY distraction.
The more I check in with myself, and process feelings and any old baggage that’s underneath them, the more LIGHT, PEACEFUL and HAPPY I feel.
I’m getting rid of all the reasons that I wouldn’t be feeling that way, before they have a chance to fester and turn rotten.
PS. The #schoolofselfhealing is coming in November! I’ll show you how to heal the body with the mind, and get in what I call the ZONE OF HEALING! Can’t wait to share more soon 🙂