When you’re feeling hopeless, and you’re wondering how the hell your going to get out of the mess your in, and life just keeps throwing shit at you, and you just want things to change so badly – it’s literally the worst feeling ever.
I know, because I’ve felt it many, many times before.
It feels like you’re drowning, and it feels like it’s impossible to get out of the mess. You can’t see how it could get better.
When you’re feeling that hopeless, it doesn’t feel like it, but that’s actually when you’re on the brink of your biggest breakthrough. Seriously.
We breakdown just before we breakthrough.
On the other side of this hopelessness is the breakthrough, if you handle the breakdown right.
If you use the breakdown to change how you operate, and propel yourself into different mental state, that’s when things change.
If you don’t change you’re state and mental attitude, then you’re going to keep going through these periods of hopelessness, and breaking down, and it’s just going to be a vicious cycle that will get you NOWHERE. You need to snap yourself out of the cycle.
Unless we really and truly change on the inside, you’ll never stop the cycle of up and down.
Think about it: when we go through a really good and up period, and we’re feeling on fire and things are moving in the right direction, and we’re feeling healthier and we feel on top of it – that’s when we either tend to self-sabotage or get tested.
If you’re going really well with your healing diet, maybe then you end up having a big food binge. Classic self-sabotage.
Or when we’re doing that well and we think we have it all figured out, the universe is like, okay let’s see how you do when things aren’t going you’re way – how changed are you REALLY? Are you really changed to your CORE?
Because we can do pretty well with our attitude when things ARE going our way, but the true test is when the problems pop up.
It’s all about how you handle the “problems” and the breakdowns.
When you’re feeling really hopeless and in the broken down place, it’s up to YOU to find your way out of it and get yourself into a better mental state.
When we go through the breakdowns, that’s the place where we can either spiral into a depression really easily, or we can turn it around and say “NO, I’m not doing that, I’m choosing differently this.”
You’re decided and declaring that you’ve had enough. You won’t allow yourself to spiral anymore. That you’re not accepting this anymore and you’re going to take responsibility not only for the situation, but for your own mental state and your own life. Your going to find a way to change this NO MATTER WHAT. Even if you can’t change the actual situation just yet – you CAN change your mental state. And when you’re in a better mental state, that opens you up to all kinds of solutions you never would have been able to see before. THAT is the energy that PROPELS you forward.
It’s about changing your mental state from victim to I’m at the very least in control of my mental state, and I know that whatever I’m getting in my life is just an energetic match for me. So I have to change my energy.
We don’t really have much control over external things in our life. Shit happens. The only thing we really do have control over is our mental state – so that’s where you need to start to change things.
This week has been a huge test for me. I’m creating a program at the moment about self-healing and the “mind” piece of the healing puzzle. The more I’m putting the program together, the more I’m realising that we really do have the choice to choose our mental state every single moment of the day. Whether we are living in the blissed out mental states of happiness, joy, awe, contentment, or in the suffering states of fear, depression, stress, frustration etc.
I spent a few weeks in just this blissed out state after realising this. And then this week, I started to get tested, BIGTIME. Things were just coming at me constantly. Things were going wrong everywhere (like, I suddenly realised that I’d accidentally let my license expire and that I need to do my tax within a week that I’d totally forgotten about, just to name a few things – both my fault too!). So all these things that kept coming up, I felt my energy being knocked down just a little bit with every one. And then I found myself starting to panic and stress about all of things. It became harder to breath. I was feeling like I was drowning under all this shit life was throwing at me.
And then I realised that I’ve been in the best mental state ever for the last few weeks, and that I was probably either self-sabotaging to ruin this new level of happiness I felt (classic upper limiting), or this was a test and I could choose to take this new wisdom of being in a blissed out mental state to a new level, and prove it right.
I also realised that all these things I was stressed and panicked about were easily fixed. Pay to renew the license. Book a tax appointment. All the other niggly things that were happening really didn’t matter either. Some things couldn’t be fixed, but some could.
When we feel hopeless and can’t see a way out – it’s usually because:
1) we’re in exactly the right place at the right time, we’re meant to be in this place because there’s something to learn, heal, or we’re not ready to move forward for some reason – there’s never a mistake with timing.
or 2) because we’re blocking our own progress on a subconscious level.
So it felt like life just kept throwing thing after thing at me. And they were smaller things, but they were really starting to wear me down with every little thing that happened. Then I started just making a mental list of all the things that weren’t right in my life. I was collecting all the things that were bothering me about every single part of my life, and making a case to myself for why I was so stuck and it was impossible to get out of this shit, and it was all hopeless.
Then I had an epiphany; I can choose to spiral into the hopelessness, or I can choose differently.
So what I did was I just said “I have no idea what’s going on here, I think this is some kind of test, but what I’m going to do is just be OPEN to things changing.”
Because things can change REALLY quickly. No matter how hopeless things seem, one little inch of movement in any area in our lives can pull the entire knot loose. And it can happen really quickly – if you LET it. You have to be open to it, that’s the secret. When we start to spiral, we get addicted to that and choose to stay in it.
What I did was I said to myself was “I’m open to receiving a miracle.”
I didn’t expect the miracle to be winning the lotto or my tax magically being done. I had NO expectation of what it would look like. Maybe just some cool little synchronicity that gives me a little inch to get out of the stuckness I was in.
I don’t like affirmations that are forceful and demanding. Like “I expect a miracle”. Because the universe owes me nothing – who am I to demand? And it’s likely nothing will happen and I’ll be like “see, it doesn’t work, I’m on my own.”
And if I’m demanding something of myself like “I’m happy, I’m healthy, I’m moving forward” – that would feel like a LIE to me. My subconscious would know that is not honestly how I feel, and I would be not in congruency with myself. It’s like a friction on your subconscious. If it doesn’t feel honest to you at a deep level, it will trigger your subconscious. It might feel good on the surface level, but deep down I think it does more damage, because it’s just lying to yourself.
It’s never about denying what you’re feeling. In my situation, I was like “okay there’s all these crappy things happening, I have to face the reality of what’s happening and that I’ve been letting some things slide and get out of control, but I can take responsibility and change things or at the very least accept this”.
Looking away from the reality of your situation and then turning to the Universe and saying “fix this” is being childish and not taking responsibility – the Universe isn’t your Mum and you’re not 6 years old. It’s not the Universe’s job to fix your life, you have to meet it half way.
Just taking responsibility for your own mental state is a good start.
Sometimes we just feel really stuck and not in control of anything that’s happening around us. What can we do with that? All we can do is try to change our own mental state, and be open to something coming along to help get a little unstuck.
“I’m open to receiving a miracle.”
So I said that affirmation. I went on with cleaning up the kitchen and doing the dishes. And then within about 5 minutes my mental state COMPLETELY shifted. I felt this lightness wash over me.
THAT is a miracle. Because 5 minutes before, I was spiralling and going “what the hell am I going to do, everything’s going wrong, etc”.
I have to ACCEPT exactly how things are RIGHT NOW. I can’t waste my time wishing for things to be different – because they’re not. So accept it, and just get on with it.
I have to TRUST that the timing is okay. That I’m EXACTLY where I need to be right now. I’m not missing out on anything. I’m not behind schedule. I’m not in the wrong place. I’m not anything other than exactly in there right place for whatever reason, right now. I may not know why, I may never know the reason why. But I trust it’s all just as it’s meant to be.
By the way: acceptance and trust is a daily practice. Because they are tough ones.
And then let it go. Don’t dwell, wallow or spiral. Because that does not help you heal in the end.
Remember: breakdowns, hopelessness, spiralling is an opportunity for you to propel yourself into a different mental state. A different mental space changes EVERYTHING. Not only does it change the level of happiness you can feel, but in that space you can come up with creative, inspired solutions. In that space, you can heal – I call it the Zone of Healing.
It’s a totally different energy where you can move yourself forward, rather than going into the spiral that gets you NOWHERE.