These last few years of healing, haven’t only been healing my body. They have been healing me as a person.
I started this adventure being diagnosed with celiac, my health sliding downhill and eventually falling into a pit of illness and misery.
I don’t know which came first, the illness or the misery. Okay, that’s not true – the misery.
Illness was a wake-up call that I was not happy with who I was as a person and what my life had become. Illness was my opportunity to really take a look at all the shadow aspects of myself, that are hard to look at but mean you can change them.
As I started studying more and more about holistic health and healing the body, I realised that I was going to need to get my shit together – and do the deep, soul-searching healing work.
I have always loved learning new information, and my world view was always shaped by evidence and facts. Before illness, that meant I was a left-leaning science-focused atheist with a very black and white view of the world.
After illness, after really learning what it takes to heal, and looking at the evidence and facts that aren’t common knowledge, aren’t recognised by mainstream science – I realised how wrong I had it before.
The world isn’t what we think it is, doesn’t work the way we think it does, and there is more that we can’t see and don’t know than there is. (Oh, and mainstream science is completely bought by vested interests.)
So I started by looking at me – why wasn’t I happy? What could I do to move towards happiness?
I realised I’d been lying to myself about so many things. Who I really was, what I really wanted, even down to the books and music I liked and my hair color.
I realised I was still holding on to guilt and shame and anger and sadness about things that had happened years before.
I realised I’d been cutting myself off from the world more everyday, and I didn’t feel safe in the world anymore (did I ever?).
I began to heal my relationships with people – forgiving them, letting go of things, and really letting go of my expectations of other people and way that I wanted them to play their roles in my life. Okay, so maybe my Dad didn’t act like a Dad in the movies – but he was still amazing and I was missing out on the relationship we could have by holding onto these false expectations.
I went from barely speaking to my parents, to having an amazing and close relationship with both – and it was all ME! They changed nothing. Actually, after I let all this go and changed myself, how they acted towards me did start to change – they didn’t do the stuff that used to trigger me anymore!
I realised that the relationship I was in wasn’t for either of our best interests, and I let that go.
Every day, every week I was doing this work. I was watching my triggers, observing my thoughts, working through blocks, changing my beliefs, and getting deeper and deeper as time went by.
All this work sounds like a lot of effort – but I can tell you it’s so worth it! This is what we’re here for, in this school of life, to learn these lessons, work through these challenges, heal ourselves and then we can help heal the world.
Maybe for some people happiness comes easy. But I had all these mental and emotional blocks that wouldn’t let me get there. And now that I’ve cleared them, it does come easy.
So how did I do all of this? My toolbox! EFT, journalling, meditation, kinesiology and a whole process I go through to workshop it when something comes up (ps. I’m teaching this process in Detox Done Different!).
If you’re trying to heal your body and ignoring the mental and emotional work – you’re only doing half of the puzzle. They work together, and you need to be healing both.
Which brings me to today. Where I’ve hit the deepest work I’ve done so far – past lives. To me, past lives are the deepest soul healing work we can do.
BUT, you have to be ready for it. Because it’s hardcore. It’s my belief that you have to work through the other outer layers, before you can get to these deepest layers.
If past life regression interests you, and it keeps coming up for you, then it’s likely that it’s something you need to do and to heal. Ever since learning about it, and the work of Brian Weiss, I’ve been fascinated and my intuition kept telling me to do this eventually. I met a past life regressionist back in March, and finally the timing worked out for me to see her.
Let me start this off by saying that if you don’t believe in past regressions, that is totally fine! I get it. Three years ago I didn’t either. But over the last few years, I’ve opened up to the spiritual side of healing and of life, and my eyes have opened to all the things we don’t know, all the things we can’t see, all the things science can never prove or disprove.
The only thing I would say to you is: stay open. Don’t close yourself off from possibilities or ideas. If you think you know everything, then your only showing your ignorance.
“Wisdom is knowing how little we know.” – Socrates
Now, lets get to the juicy bit! The actual past life regression.
We started by chatting about what I’ve been working on lately – my body is holding fluids and not metabolising them properly, so my body is feeling a little heavy. We also talked about my issues with independence and responsibility, and a feeling of not being quite safe in the world and feeling defensive around others.
She does the regression through a form of light hypnosis – so I’m fully aware of what’s happening, fully in control of my body and can remember all of it. Basically, it feels like a deep meditation where I’m talking through it and seeing images in my mind like when I do visualisation.
We start the actual regression, and she asks me what heavy feels like. I say like I’m being pulled down. She asks me if any word comes to mind when I’m being pulled down, I say ‘sinking’. I’m in the water, and I’m drowning.
She asks me if I can see anything, I say I can see the sun above the water, and my long dark hair is floating around my head (it’s funny, because I dyed my hair dark brown/black for years and didn’t really know why).
I tell her there’s someone on the boat I have to go back to, that I think it’s a man. She asks me go back in time, to when I was safe and things were good in that lifetime.
I can see myself in a cottage, with stone floors and possibly stone walls. It’s cute and small, it’s cozy. There’s a fireplace. It’s in the English (or around that area) countryside. It feels like its around the 1600’s, give or take a century. I live in a little village.
She asks if there is anyone else there with me. My family is, I have an older brother with dark, shoulder length hair. I have a little sister, although I can’t see her as clearly.
Our parents died when I was 12, one of pneumonia, one of a virus. So I did the cleaning, the cooking, and took care of my little sister, and our older brother took care of us and provided for us.
We were running out of my money, and my brother and I decided it would be best if I got married, so I wasn’t a financial burden on them anymore and I was planning on sending money back to them as well. He set up an arranged marriage, and I had to say goodbye to them.
I travelled first by horseback, and then by cart and horse to get to the ship docks, where I was getting on a merchant boat that also transported small numbers of people.
I was walking up to board the boat when I saw him. He was a sailor, a merchant man, working on the boat. He didn’t see me yet. I boarded the boat, and I was sad that I had to leave my family, my perfect little life at that cottage where I was happy, that I had to go marry this person that I didn’t even know, but I was also excited to be somewhere new, to be doing something different.
It was that night that I first really met him. I walked out onto the deck, where he was still working on the boat, doing something with the sails and he looked up at me. He was surprised, shocked in fact, stared at me for a minute, and then averted his gaze. It was instant falling in love – love at first sight.
The next day we spoke. I couldn’t see what was said, but just the feeling of being safe and 1000% sure. I could see his green-amber eyes, his sandy blonde hair. I could see my hand on his face. I know that this is love, but I know that I still have to marry this other person. I’m not willing to disappoint my family – my whole life is about taking care of them.
A few days later as we’re sailing there’s a storm. It’s wild; no one was expecting it to be this bad. There’s lightning and thunder and rain hammering down. I’m in the cabin, but I know he’s out there, working on the boat trying to keep it sailing and not sinking. I run out onto the deck, I guess just to check that he’s okay.
I see him, but he doesn’t see me. I get hit in the stomach by something that is flying – a boom? a barrel? a crate? It hits me hard, and I’m thrown over the boat. No one sees it happen.
I’m in the water and I’m sinking. I’ve never swum before. I try to get back to the surface, but the water is insane because of the storm. I stop struggling and give up pretty quickly – I feel like this is easier because otherwise I will just have to go back and give up this man I’ve just fallen in love with to go marry someone else.
I give up, and then I drown. I know that it’s painful and horrible but I don’t feel the pain of it. I’m just aware that I was suffocating, I can’t breath, I’m filling up with water. I can feel the water filling me up and pushing from the inside out – swelling my body.
Then it stops and I feel relief. I feel myself slowly being pulled upwards, but my body is staying in the water. Then everything goes white. All I see is white, and I’m feeling relieved, but also lost, I don’t really know where to go now.
Then I feel a presence that I’m familiar with. It’s my guide. (In my life, I do feel this presence beside me, especially when I meditate). I know what the lesson of that lifetime is: I did everything for everyone else, I gave up everything for everyone else, fixing everything for them, serving them, and never made any choice that was what I wanted. I gave up my life and this person that I loved, just to not disappoint my family. I gave up too easily, instead of looking for a solution and figuring it out.
My guide tells me I’ll get another chance in a future life with that man, to do things differently. I know that I haven’t met him yet, so who knows what the future holds.
After the session finished we were chatting, and she asked me why I got the tattoo on my hand, the anchor. I told her that I didn’t really know, I just like anchors. She said, ‘you’ve got him with you on your hand’ (apparently the merchant men/sailors all had anchor tattoos?). It’s also on the same hand that I kept seeing me put on his face in that life.
I got that tattoo when I was I was 20 – the same age I was when I died in that life.
The day I did the regression, I was also wearing a nautical themed shirt with an anchor on it – actually half my wardrobe is nautical! After 19 is when my health issues got really bad and I started pulling back from life. Ever since I have felt like I was being pulled under, sinking, drowning, and that I’ve been struggling to breath again, to get to the light at the end of the tunnel (or the sun above the water?). It’s felt like swimming against the current to get where I want to go – healed and happy.
And in the last few months, I’ve been struggling to breath deeply and fully. I’ve only been able to shallow breath and often find myself not taking breath in at all. It feels like theres not enough room in my body to take in the breath. Now I see why and am working on healing it.
In that life and this life, I am definitely a ‘fixer’ – if someone comes to me with a problem, all I want to do is solve it for them, to fix it for them, no matter the personal sacrifice or cost to me. I feel responsibility for others happiness.
In this life, I also tend to not be able to carry through with anything that I don’t really 100% want to do – I never liked school so I wasn’t good with attendance, I didn’t like TAFE (it’s basically Aussie college), always getting out of things if I’m not really into it. So I’ve taken on this ‘giving up’ what I don’t want to do to the extreme and always trying to figure out a way to only have to do things I really want to.
But if there’s a personal cost to someone I’ll stick with it until it’s killing me.
I always put other peoples feelings before my own, often keeping my feelings to myself to spare others. I hate making other people feel uncomfortable or unhappy. Which often means I don’t express what I’m feeling and follow my intuition on things – and I end up the one feeling unhappy in the end. I’m a recovering people-pleaser and yes-ser.
It also got ingrained in me in that life, that when you leave the warm safe cottage, bad things happen (you drown!) – which is a possible reason for not feeling safe in the world.
I feel like I missed out on something, everything, in that life. In this life, I get stuck on making decisions because I don’t want to make the wrong move or miss out on anything.
She helped me change my subconscious associations with all of this, and had me let go of the pain of drowning (lots of coughing and deep breathing!), the feeling of missing out in that life.
After the session I felt light. It felt like something huge had shifted within me. It felt like all my cells had been restructured. It felt like I was different. I felt like I could let some things go that I’d been holding onto. And I felt like I could see the bigger picture in everything, in that life, and in this life too.
I’m still settling into this new me (the regression was a week ago), but I’m excited to see how things unfold – if my body starts metabolising fluids properly, if this breathing issue clears up, if I meet this sailor man in this lifetime.
I hope that by sharing these deep parts of my healing, that it will help you to go this deep too.
PS. Want to go deeper with healing the mental and emotional piece? Join us in Detox Done Different! I’ll be teaching all my tools and workshopping through your beliefs, blocks, thoughts and anything holding you back from healing.
PPS. Have you got your free detoxing resource guide yet? If not get yourself over to http://detoxdonedifferent.com and download it now.